SEASONS OF CHANGE

My darlings! You can tell by the picture that I'm feeling crazed, anxious and depressed. I'll try to always give you a hint of how I'm feeling.
Five Reasons Why I'm CAD (crazed, anxious and depressed)
1. My new book, ICE STORM, is coming out and the print run is, shall we say, not what I would have hoped for. Shall we say, appalling? And it's the book of my heart -- one of my most favorite that I've ever written. I'm doomed.
2. My mother seems to be going downhill fast. Six months ago she was totally on top of it, independent, doing amazingly well. Now each week she seems more feeble (she's 93)
3. I have to go away again, and I miss my husband! Got a week in Ohio and then who knows how much time in Princeton with my mother.
4. My house is a mess -- like those places you see on HGTV where the rats are about to invade
5. We're stone broke.

On the other hand, I can probably come up with more than five reasons why life is good. When I'm depressed those five reasons aren't enough to kick me out of it, but I'll go for it anyway.
1. Even though ICE STORM is doomed, it's a wonderful book, and an honor to have written it. I'd rather have written that than a shitty book that makes the NYT list. Truly. (I'm not saying shitty books make the NYT. Well, some do, but most of the books that make it are wonderful).
2. My kids are doing reasonably well.
3. I don't have ovarian cancer.
4. I have the most wonderful husband in the world (32 years and counting).
5. hmmm ..... 5. .... hmmm.
I guess I am depressed. I thought I could come up with at least twenty things I'm grateful for. But right now my glass is half empty with a hole in the bottom and the water's draining out (or the champagne).

As I said, I adore my husband, but like many husbands he's a bit of an Eeyore to my Tigger. We live in Vermont, and he's always expecting blizzards and then mud season, so we now have saying in our family. "Blizzards and mud." I'm afraid it's blizzards and mud time for me, but at least I know it'll pass.

So enough about depression. Aha, I've got my number 5! They're doing a survey on favorite romance novels on All About Romance http://www.allaboutromance.com/
And maybe my books are making it into the list, which makes it a happy thing. Or maybe it's not, so I can add it to the list of things that depress me, but even so, it's a great way to get recommendations for books you haven't tried. So head on over there and vote.

So even though I'm too depressed to thrash my way out of it right now, I know it's going to pass, and I know the best way is to keep thinking about the good things.

You know, it might help if you guys told me about the things you're grateful for. But if anyone says raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens I'll puke.

(Oh, and in Vermont all the leaves are blowing down. Blizzards and mud.)

Cheer me up, why doncha? Or at least tell me what makes you happy.

The last days of Reno

So actually it was only 10 days. 13 pages on Monday, 7 lousy ones on Tuesday that I had to keep rewriting, and then an utterly fabulous 33 today. The draft is done, and it's a great, marvelous, brilliant, flawed, shaggy mess which I will now proceed to whip into shape. It's a little short, but like Elmore Leonard I try to leave out the stuff people skip. I should know how good it is by Friday, when I will have printed it up and mashed it into shape.

But in the meantime, fireworks and champagne and happy music very very loud on the stereo. I came, I saw, I kicked its ass!

Reno Day 7

So we ended up with thirteen pages yesterday. Brings me to 177 pages in under two weeks, with a bladder infection and a overnight conference and speech in between. My power knows no limit! Well, yes it does, since I can't make my career do what I want. But at least I can write the best books I possibly can, and just let go of the rest. It makes you insane if you let it.
Actually yesterday, Sunday, was Day 7, and I'm smack in the middle of Day 8, heading toward the finish line. Page 330 in rough form, and I go very fast at the end.
I need everyone to send me energy vibes. I'm doing this without my beloved Tab (or any kind of soda at all -- sob!). Trying to make do with carbs, but they're just not the same.
Since this is the last ICE book it's got to be completely and utterly fabulous, and a lot of it is. A lot of it is shit, and I'll have to tear it apart and rewrite and cut and expand and do all those nasty things to my golden prose
But in the end it will be worth it.
In the meantime, I may take a break and watch Heroes and Chuck tonight (they'll be tivo'd if I manage to work straight through). I need more Will Yun Lee -- inspiration. What can I say -- beautiful young men inspire me.